Obey the Rules! OR DON’T!

by Graham

Of course, windsurfing is about BREAKING THE RULES. Hell, I hate rules of any kind and feel compelled to break them no matter what. Windsurfing to me is all about freedom from societal constraints. Freedom to fly on the water without rules. The ocean is the last refuge of freedom in the world.

Cycling, however, is perfectly suited for rules. I’ve recently fallen in love with road biking. Pushing your body with the bike– it feels amazing. I love to beat myself up, and cycling does that job perfectly. And pro cyclists are hardcore, like really hardcore. So it makes sense that they have a code of rules– or in this case mock rules. They are funny but also full of truth. Veluminati is an amazing cycling site, and if you’re even a little interested in cycling, you need to check it out. Frank the machine who runs the blog, was on Maui recently to challenge Haleakala’s 10k vertical feet (and to vacation…but saying that would be redundant). He did a ride with my dad out in Kaupo, and the ride was good enough to inspire a new rule (#86). Though, my personal favorite is #5.

The Rules:


It is, absolutely, without question, unequivocally, about the bike. Anyone who says otherwise is obviously a twatwaffle.


Never half-wheel your riding partners; it’s terrible form – it is always the other guy who sets the pace. Unless, of course, you are on the rivet, in which case it’s an excellent intimidation technique.²²

22 Thanks to David Ezzy for this excellent contribution and fantastic ride out to Kaupo and back.

I like these–they are light and funny– and I want to do something similar for windsurfing on surf-matic. However, windsurfing and rules don’t mix. So, I’m thinking of starting with the Postulates and then building to the Theorems. In honor of Euclid, I think I’ll call it “The Elements”. So not rules but observations on windsurfing truths and truisms.

What are your favorite windsurfing postulates and theorems? Leave your suggestions in the comments and maybe they’ll be added as I build the new “The Elements” page.

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